May 20, 2008

Being responsible for the sound system at our church building, I have been to several weddings over the last 12 years or so. Sometimes I know the people involved, and other times I have never met them before. I was at a wedding this past weekend that mainly falls into the second category, although I did know a few of the people involved.

And having been a part of so many of those weddings, even if my "part" only consisted of starting and stopping the CD player and adjusting the microphone volume, I have seen quite a bit in those ceremonies. Some of it good, some of it a bit different.

Sometimes when the wedding party comes in for the rehearsal the night before, they have a good idea of what they want to do, or how they want the service to go. But that isn't always the case. On one occasion, once everyone got there, they just stood around for a while until someone eventually said, "What do we do?" The maintenance man was there to unlock the building and then lock it up after the rehearsal, and he eventually started giving them advice. I found it amusing that the maintenance man ended up being the "wedding coordinator" and I was his assistant. But I must say that everything went smoothly.

And on occasion, people are a bit too particular about what they want. For one wedding, the groomsmen were escorting the bridesmaids down the aisle at the beginning of the service. So during the rehearsal, they spent at least thirty minutes discussing whether the couples should turn clockwise or counter clockwise once they reached the stage. I remember just sitting there and shaking my head the entire time. If it matters, I think they decided that the couples standing on the right would turn one way, and the couples standing on the left would turn the other way. Not that anyone in the audience during the wedding ceremony would notice that.

One couple held up the rehearsal for over an hour, because at least one of them was starting to have second thoughts about getting married. I guess that's a better time to have those thoughts than after the wedding, but shouldn't they have figured that out during the years (yes, years) that they dated? They did go ahead with it, by the way.

And then other people have specific ideas on how they want little things done. The candles should be lit in a certain pattern. The bridesmaids should walk at just the right speed down the aisle, hitting a certain mark at a certain place in the song. The lighting should be just bright enough, but not too bright. There should be an attended nursery so no crying children would disturb the service. Of course, for most of those things the bride and groom could care less - it is mainly the parents that are more concerned about having the "perfect wedding". Or at least having good looking pictures by which to remember it all.

And at each wedding I work, I think the same thing: "I'm glad this isn't my wedding!" We will have our fifteenth anniversary later on this summer. And I'm quite glad to be married; I'm just glad we don't have to do a ceremony like that every year, or even every few years. I'm sure our wedding was somewhat the same - different people having particular ideas that things should be done just right, although it really didn't matter to me what everyone did, as long as there was a wedding.

I know I'm saying this at the risk of possibly stepping on the toes or hurting the feelings of some who may be planning their weddings. But I have come to realize over time that the wedding itself isn't really what is important. So many people put such great importance on the wedding ceremony itself, and I wonder if they place that much significance on the actual important part: the marriage.

Right before we got married, Laura's uncles jokingly (I think) offered us money to elope. Knowing what we know now, we have often thought in retrospect that we should have taken them up on that offer. It would have saved everyone a lot of time and headache.

It really doesn't matter if you get married in front of three people or three hundred people. Or if everything goes smoothly or everything falls apart. What really matters is the lifetime together that comes after the wedding itself.

So if you are planning a wedding, make sure that you have your priorities straight. And if you already had your wedding, make sure your marriage is at least as good as your wedding pictures, if not much better.

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. - Proverbs 18:22

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